Loser?

This is really random, I know. Not to mention that it is only a few hours after my last post. But sometimes, do you ever just really feel like a loser? Like a complete outcast?

Every once in awhile I feel that way. Especially now as all my friends are getting married and having babies. I feel like I am just kind of pushed aside, not really intentionally, and it makes me sad. I mean, I don't want to sit around and cry like a baby or anything, but I just get a little down by it.

I'll check facebook and read comments that people leave, that say such things as "Congrats on the upcoming marriage" or "I heard about the baby - congrats!" And then I just feel like I am so behind everyone. I mean, i should have graduated like, four years ago. And here I am, planning to graduate in a year. 9 years after I graduted high school. With a bachelor's, not a master's. And then I'm not even going to get into the failed engagement that I went through, which really made me feel like a loser. However, I know it isn't my fault, I wasn't the one who called it off like a coward, but somehow I feel like people look down on me and think a lot of things they aren't saying.

Then there is the whole baby thing. I'm not really sure what the whole fuss is about, except that EVERYONE seems to be encouraging me to have kids. I mean, my mom AND Cody's mom are always talking about grandchildren, our friend's ask us when we'll have a kid, etc. What is the deal? Not to mention that if I were to tell them I was unsure about having kids, then I'd really be the black sheep.

I mean, all I want to do is be able to fit in, but I think that I missed my chance somewhere in there down the road. Maybe it was in 6th grade when I had a hard time making friends. Maybe it was 9th grade when I didn't get contacts until the second semester. Maybe it was around the time I turned 16 and didn't get a job or start driving like all of my friends did. I know it was definately about the time when I ended up sticking around and going to Blinn with no idea what it was that I wanted to, instead of going someplace safe like SHSU and being able to gradute in 2005 with an education degree. I would be able to say about now that I was graduating with some kind of master's instead of just a bachelors. By the time I finally finish, and if I do get a master's or doctorate, I'll be too old to be able to use it. I'm probably going to be the first teacher in history to start when I'm 30. Most are probably looking forward to retirement about that time.

So anyway, that was just some random thoughts that I was having at the moment. Let me know what you think.