Loser?

This is really random, I know. Not to mention that it is only a few hours after my last post. But sometimes, do you ever just really feel like a loser? Like a complete outcast?

Every once in awhile I feel that way. Especially now as all my friends are getting married and having babies. I feel like I am just kind of pushed aside, not really intentionally, and it makes me sad. I mean, I don't want to sit around and cry like a baby or anything, but I just get a little down by it.

I'll check facebook and read comments that people leave, that say such things as "Congrats on the upcoming marriage" or "I heard about the baby - congrats!" And then I just feel like I am so behind everyone. I mean, i should have graduated like, four years ago. And here I am, planning to graduate in a year. 9 years after I graduted high school. With a bachelor's, not a master's. And then I'm not even going to get into the failed engagement that I went through, which really made me feel like a loser. However, I know it isn't my fault, I wasn't the one who called it off like a coward, but somehow I feel like people look down on me and think a lot of things they aren't saying.

Then there is the whole baby thing. I'm not really sure what the whole fuss is about, except that EVERYONE seems to be encouraging me to have kids. I mean, my mom AND Cody's mom are always talking about grandchildren, our friend's ask us when we'll have a kid, etc. What is the deal? Not to mention that if I were to tell them I was unsure about having kids, then I'd really be the black sheep.

I mean, all I want to do is be able to fit in, but I think that I missed my chance somewhere in there down the road. Maybe it was in 6th grade when I had a hard time making friends. Maybe it was 9th grade when I didn't get contacts until the second semester. Maybe it was around the time I turned 16 and didn't get a job or start driving like all of my friends did. I know it was definately about the time when I ended up sticking around and going to Blinn with no idea what it was that I wanted to, instead of going someplace safe like SHSU and being able to gradute in 2005 with an education degree. I would be able to say about now that I was graduating with some kind of master's instead of just a bachelors. By the time I finally finish, and if I do get a master's or doctorate, I'll be too old to be able to use it. I'm probably going to be the first teacher in history to start when I'm 30. Most are probably looking forward to retirement about that time.

So anyway, that was just some random thoughts that I was having at the moment. Let me know what you think.

Finally Friday

Today - Friday, May 8 - an interesting day. For starters, it marks the 14th anniversary of the day my grandpa died. Weird, I know. But my mom is always talking about it, so it's hard not to think about it. Also, this morning was Stephen's graduation. I didn't get to go :( but I know that he did great. Well, it was a graduation, so he didn't really have to do anything, but still. Now he has a master's degree. Let's just hope he remembers the little people (me!).

I also found out that I am supposed to be subbing next Friday, which will probably be my last day before the school year is over.

This morning I got a pedicure, and I love the shade. It's some kind of dark pink, a berry something something or other. I splurged and got the flower painted on. It's pretty.

Erin called me around noon to help finalize some things before her court date. I think that it is

If you've noticed, I have been very faithful with my posts. I plan on trying to post something every day, even though it probably won't be very exciting. I want to get in the habit of always writing something, so then that way maybe I will at least get some readers.

My (almost) Last Day of Work til Summer

Well, I thought today was going to be my last day of work this school year, but I was wrong. I'm going to be working again next Friday, for the class that I subbed for on Tuesday and Wednesday. They aren't bad kids...just a little rowdy. I wish it was for the group I had today, though.

I found out yesterday that I have to re-write my philosophy of teaching paper again. It's not fair. I wrote it last semester, and they liked it. However, whoever is in charge of reading it this time didn't think that it quite fit the bill, so I have to re-write it. I mean, what does philosophy of teaching mean, right? It's the way you feel about teaching? About how teaching is these days? Oh well. I guess I have to just look it up and go with it. At least they liked everything else. Except for my resume, which they said could be re-done so it didn't have little dots. I'm like, what gives? I didn't see any dots when I checked it. So who knows?

It's also hard to believe that the end of the school year is here. It seems like I was just waiting for it to start so I could get some money, now here I am again, on the brink of summer, trying to figure out what I'm going to do with myself for three months. Although, I do have a few goals. Although, that is for another post.

Just a few updates

Let's see, there's not much to update about our lives. We went out to Lake Bryan on Sunday, May 3, and Cody and I have a lot to show for it. We both have killer sunburns...at least Cody's is starting to fade into a tan, and well, I'm still red but at least it doesn't hurt as much as it did. Cody also hurt his leg jumping into the water, and so now he's on light duty at work for at least a week, he goes back to the doctor Monday to find out for sure if he can go back or not to his regular stuff.

Amy is graduating next Friday, the 15. I thought that it was the 8th, but I was wrong. However, Stephen is graduating the 8th. Then the Budweiser picnic is on the 16. So we have a few things lined up for the next few weeks. Beckie wants us to come and visit over Memorial Weekend, but it all pretty much depends on Cody's schedule and if he wants to. That's the main thing right there.

I talked to Kelli yesterday, the first time in awhile, I mean actually on the phone, we've messaged through facebook and stuff like that but it's been awhile since we talked on the phone. She just found out that they are having a baby girl - which is exciting since they already have Micheal. And I mean that in the nicest way possible :) Just that now they will have a boy and a girl. I don't know if they have any names picked out yet, but all of that will come in time. I'm already picking out presents to buy for the shower :)

So now, all of my closest married friends are either having girls or already have girls. Beckie has Ivy and Rose, and then Kelli, Jaime, and Stephen are each expecting a girl, and Sharon has a girl, who is like 3 or 4 (I haven't talked to her in forever, but she was a close friend in middle school and the beginning of high school). I just hope that the girl fever rubs off on me when I'm ready :). Though I'm really hoping for twins - a boy and a girl.

Hmm, all that color formatting was fun. There is a lot of pink on here. I could add some more blue, but that would just be in talking about the one I know that is expecting a boy, and the one that recently had a boy. Not really exciting. I mean, they already had them, and I don't even know them all that well.

Well, I guess that is it for now.

I'm signing off.

It's Almost Summer

I realize that it has been a really long time since I posted anything. However, the saddest thing is that there is hardly anything ever worth posting on here. After lots of stress, I decided that instead of stressing myself out even more, I am going to wait to student teach in the spring, instead of the fall. That will give me another semester to finish up my methods, observing and all that good stuff, since the Bryan public schools are rude, and inconsiderate and non-helpful. I will be doing all of this at St. Joseph Catholic Elementary School, as well as hopefully doing my student teaching there. I had ended up emailing all of the principals in Bryan, and only one responded...and then the teacher I was supposed to work with never emailed me back, so we ended up going to Plan B. (Ha ha. No pun intended.)

It's hard to believe that it's almost May. Harder even to beleive that Friday is May first, and that school is out on the 18th. That means I have about three weeks of work left before the summer. Yea for summer! That means I have three whole months (just about) to finish up all of those other assignments and get everything in, except for my in-class stuff, and then in September I can start on that, and finally get everything under way.

What's even harder to believe is that Cody and I have almost been together a year and a half. It just doesn't seem possible that that much time has passed.

Even harder than THAT to believe is that by time my birthday rolls around again, every one of my close friends, at least just about, will have at least one kid. Beckie already has her two, Stephen's is due sometime in the summer, and then Kelli is due in Oct. Where has the time gone?

I'm trying to keep up with updating this, I really am. However, I doubt that anyone even reads this. Right now I'm sitting here, waiting for the kids to come in so we can have PE. Who ever would have thought that I would teach PE? Sure, I'm only substituting, but still. Me, who hated PE with a passion for years, actually enjoys being in here. Maybe it's because I'm on the other side of it and can actually find some enjoyment in it. Not to mention that it's fun when you don't have to actually do anything. You just supervise the kids and they do the hard work. It's a lot of fun. PE, Art and Music are probably my favorite classes to sub for. I get to see different kids all day, and usually we do fun stuff. Mostly it's watching videos, but it's still fun regardless.

Other than that, there isn't much that has happened. I finished up one of my classes last night, and luckily, it posted. That means that I just have to finish writing up a few lesson plans and turning those in, and then I can get this next class finished and passed and then it's time to move on to the next group.

Today: October 14, 2008

It's hard to believe that it is already the middle of October. It's even harder to believe that 2008 is almost over,  and that Cody and I will have been together for a year. It hardly seems that long at all. Although I guess that is a good thing, because if it seemed like a long time, that would probably mean that we weren't as happy with each other as we are. If all goes according to plan, I will be getting ready to graduate about this time next year. I will be completing my student teaching, getting all of my graduation forms together and ready and be ready to just be finished. And then will come the matter of all the nit-picky stuff like the final tests to get certified in Texas and all that good stuff. But like everything else, it will all happen in due time. I'm substituting right now, and while I love it, at the same time I can't wait until I have my own classroom and will be able to have my own rules and be able to better handle a classroom. On the bright side however, I am learning all sorts of ways to keep the kids under control and so hopefully on that first day of school, I will have all of those students under control. Well, I have another year to practice, so we shall see what happens.